Tuesday Thoughts

Today I'm thankful for friends who keep me grounded. Friends like Lauren who I can text when I want to text someone I shouldn't. Isn't the definition of insanity something about doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result? 

This summer I'm doing things differently. While there are so many reminders around me of love lost, there are infinitely more reminders of blessing and provision. Sure I can't drink a Nantucket nectar or swing on a swing without a twinge of loss, I trust that I'll be okay. Summer 2015 and summer 2016 were spent highly invested in a whirlwind summer fling. I isolated myself to limit accountability. I chose to seek out selfish gains and God was not honored through any of it. You only hear what you want to hear right? Good thing this summer I've got accountability. I won't let him into my life or my head again. 

I once took a personality test (for a dating site I'll leave name-less) and learned that I am fiercely protective. Also that I love deep and fast. When I decide I care about someone, I don't hold back and it's dangerous. Someday it will be the most valuable part of my relationship, but in the interim, it's risky. 

Here I am at 10pm on a Tuesday praying for a man I probably haven't met yet. Every day at 10, my calendar reminds me to pray for my future spouse. I pray that he is well. That he feels loves by God. That he is patient in waiting for me as I am impatiently waiting for him. I pray that he will find favor at his job. That he and his family will be well. I pray that he can believe that I love him already. I pray that he fiercely serves God and that God will bring us together. 

Perhaps it sounds odd to you, but marriage matters that much to me. It's worth the prayer time and energy prior to being a wife. Jesus I trust you.